My tweets

  • Thu, 23:22: RT @JGForsyth: The exit poll comes with a projection for every seat and what is striking is that it looks like the Tories have had a dire n…
  • Fri, 00:50: Blyth Valley was the 91st safest Labour seat, and the Conservatives’ #122 target.
  • Fri, 01:03: RT @RaoulRuparel: Early contender for worst take of night by Sammy Wilson. We should all take a moment to appreciate just how badly DUP hav…
  • Fri, 01:28: RT @gracepeacockni: The big question of the night is will the A4 printout stuck to @markdevenport‘s laptop hold out? #NITurnout #GeneralEle…
  • Fri, 01:31: Small point: Antony High, independent local councillor, came third in Middlesbrough with 14%. #GE2019
  • Fri, 01:40: RT @SiobhanFenton: Former Ulster Unionist Party leader Mike Nesbitt in a BBC interview tonight- “The great irony of all of this is that fo…
  • Fri, 01:56: RT @britainelects: With ten seats declared, the average vote share changes are… Con: +2.1 Lab: -9.9 LDem: +3.0 Brex: +6.6 https://t.co/…
  • Fri, 01:57: RT @journokj: Alliance Sources in #NorthDown are telling me they are quietly confident @StephenFarryMLA will take the seat – and it will be…
  • Fri, 02:02: Labour vote has fallen in every seat declared so far, b between 7% and 18.5%. Tory vote has rise in 9 seats out of… https://t.co/xBjMdQmv4U
  • Fri, 02:22: RT @JGForsyth: Scots Tories now far more downcast than they were. Think their vote has held solid but the SNP have surged. They are now jus…
  • Fri, 02:24: Tories gain Workington – their 62nd target, Labour’s 53rd most marginal seat. #GE19
  • Fri, 02:30: SNP take Rutherglen & Hamilton West from Labour. It was their #2 target and Labour’s most vulnerable seat in Scotland. #GE19
  • Fri, 02:31: Tories take Darlington, their 48th target and Labour’s 41st most vulnerable seat. #GE19
  • Fri, 02:33: UK-wide vote shifts so far: Lab -11.0% Brexit Party +5.3% Lib Dems +2.8% Cons +2.7% Green +1.3%
  • Fri, 02:46: Am really not complaining, but by this time in 2017 we had three results out of 18 – still waiting for the first on… https://t.co/0sFNUOTdqW
  • Fri, 02:48: First Conservative gain in Wales – Vale of Clwyd, which was their 38th target and Labour’s 36th most vulnerable seat. #GE19
  • Fri, 02:50: Conservatives win Peterborough, having come third in the recent by-election. Brexit Party down from 29% to 4%.
  • Fri, 02:56: First Northern Ireland result of the night. @StephenFarryMLA wins North Down Alliance 18358 – 45.2% (+35.9%) DUP… https://t.co/o7l4oVWT9K
  • Fri, 03:02: Second Northern Ireland result of the night: Strangford. DUP: 17705 – 47.2% (-24.8%) Alliance: 10634 – 28.4% (+13.… https://t.co/FJThhdOxjx
  • Fri, 03:06: CORRECTION: 2nd Northern Ireland result of the night: Strangford. DUP: 17705 – 47.2% (-14.8%) Alliance: 10634 – 28… https://t.co/NcNk8RsLyX
  • Fri, 08:52: Northern Ireland results as a whole: DUP 8 seats (-2), 30.6% (-5.4%) SF 7 seats (nc), 22.8% (-6.6%) Alliance 1 sea… https://t.co/BktTSiSIO3
  • Fri, 09:33: Going to bed now after 10.5 hours live broadcasting.
  • Fri, 09:43: RT @mynameisearl: Want to know how to respond today, however you voted? Take something to a food bank.

Posted in Uncategorised

Ivy Day in the Committee Room, by James Joyce

OLD JACK raked the cinders together with a piece of cardboard and spread them judiciously over the whitening dome of coals. When the dome was thinly covered his face lapsed into darkness but, as he set himself to fan the fire again, his crouching shadow ascended the opposite wall and his face slowly reemerged into light. It was an old man’s face, very bony and hairy. The moist blue eyes blinked at the fire and the moist mouth fell open at times, munching once or twice mechanically when it closed. When the cinders had caught he laid the piece of cardboard against the wall, sighed and said:

“That’s better now, Mr. O’Connor.”

Mr. O’Connor, a grey-haired young man, whose face was disfigured by many blotches and pimples, had just brought the tobacco for a cigarette into a shapely cylinder but when spoken to he undid his handiwork meditatively. Then he began to roll the tobacco again meditatively and after a moment’s thought decided to lick the paper.

“Did Mr. Tierney say when he’d be back?” he asked in a sky falsetto.

“He didn’t say.”

Mr. O’Connor put his cigarette into his mouth and began search his pockets. He took out a pack of thin pasteboard cards.

“I’ll get you a match,” said the old man.

“Never mind, this’ll do,” said Mr. O’Connor.

He selected one of the cards and read what was printed on it:

MUNICIPAL ELECTIONS

ROYAL EXCHANGE WARD

Mr. Richard J. Tierney, P.L.G., respectfully solicits the
favour of your vote and influence at the coming election
in the Royal Exchange Ward.

Mr. O’Connor had been engaged by Tierney’s agent to canvass one part of the ward but, as the weather was inclement and his boots let in the wet, he spent a great part of the day sitting by the fire in the Committee Room in Wicklow Street with Jack, the old caretaker. They had been sitting thus since e short day had grown dark. It was the sixth of October, dismal and cold out of doors.

Mr. O’Connor tore a strip off the card and, lighting it, lit his cigarette. As he did so the flame lit up a leaf of dark glossy ivy the lapel of his coat. The old man watched him attentively and then, taking up the piece of cardboard again, began to fan the fire slowly while his companion smoked.

“Ah, yes,” he said, continuing, “it’s hard to know what way to bring up children. Now who’d think he’d turn out like that! I sent him to the Christian Brothers and I done what I could him, and there he goes boosing about. I tried to make him someway decent.”

He replaced the cardboard wearily.

“Only I’m an old man now I’d change his tune for him. I’d take the stick to his back and beat him while I could stand over him — as I done many a time before. The mother, you know, she cocks him up with this and that. . . . ”

“That’s what ruins children,” said Mr. O’Connor.

“To be sure it is,” said the old man. “And little thanks you get for it, only impudence. He takes th’upper hand of me whenever he sees I’ve a sup taken. What’s the world coming to when sons speaks that way to their fathers?”

“What age is he?” said Mr. O’Connor.

“Nineteen,” said the old man.

“Why don’t you put him to something?”

“Sure, amn’t I never done at the drunken bowsy ever since he left school? ‘I won’t keep you,’ I says. ‘You must get a job for yourself.’ But, sure, it’s worse whenever he gets a job; he drinks it all.”

Mr. O’Connor shook his head in sympathy, and the old man fell silent, gazing into the fire. Someone opened the door of the room and called out:

“Hello! Is this a Freemason’s meeting?”

“Who’s that?” said the old man.

“What are you doing in the dark?” asked a voice.

“Is that you, Hynes?” asked Mr. O’Connor.

“Yes. What are you doing in the dark?” said Mr. Hynes. advancing into the light of the fire.

He was a tall, slender young man with a light brown moustache. Imminent little drops of rain hung at the brim of his hat and the collar of his jacket-coat was turned up.

“Well, Mat,” he said to Mr. O’Connor, “how goes it?”

Mr. O’Connor shook his head. The old man left the hearth and after stumbling about the room returned with two candlesticks which he thrust one after the other into the fire and carried to the table. A denuded room came into view and the fire lost all its cheerful colour. The walls of the room were bare except for a copy of an election address. In the middle of the room was a small table on which papers were heaped.

Mr. Hynes leaned against the mantelpiece and asked:

“Has he paid you yet?”

“Not yet,” said Mr. O’Connor. “I hope to God he’ll not leave us in the lurch tonight.”

Mr. Hynes laughed.

“O, he’ll pay you. Never fear,” he said.

“I hope he’ll look smart about it if he means business,” said Mr. O’Connor.

“What do you think, Jack?” said Mr. Hynes satirically to the old man.

The old man returned to his seat by the fire, saying:

“It isn’t but he has it, anyway. Not like the other tinker.”

“What other tinker?” said Mr. Hynes.

“Colgan,” said the old man scornfully.

“It is because Colgan’s a working — man you say that? What’s the difference between a good honest bricklayer and a publican — eh? Hasn’t the working-man as good a right to be in the Corporation as anyone else — ay, and a better right than those shoneens that are always hat in hand before any fellow with a handle to his name? Isn’t that so, Mat?” said Mr. Hynes, addressing Mr. O’Connor.

“I think you’re right,” said Mr. O’Connor.

“One man is a plain honest man with no hunker-sliding about him. He goes in to represent the labour classes. This fellow you’re working for only wants to get some job or other.”

“0f course, the working-classes should be represented,” said the old man.

“The working-man,” said Mr. Hynes, “gets all kicks and no halfpence. But it’s labour produces everything. The workingman is not looking for fat jobs for his sons and nephews and cousins. The working-man is not going to drag the honour of Dublin in the mud to please a German monarch.”

“How’s that?” said the old man.

“Don’t you know they want to present an address of welcome to Edward Rex if he comes here next year? What do we want kowtowing to a foreign king?”

“Our man won’t vote for the address,” said Mr. O’Connor. “He goes in on the Nationalist ticket.”

“Won’t he?” said Mr. Hynes. “Wait till you see whether he will or not. I know him. Is it Tricky Dicky Tierney?”

“By God! perhaps you’re right, Joe,” said Mr. O’Connor. “Anyway, I wish he’d turn up with the spondulics.”

The three men fell silent. The old man began to rake more cinders together. Mr. Hynes took off his hat, shook it and then turned down the collar of his coat, displaying, as he did so, an ivy leaf in the lapel.

“If this man was alive,” he said, pointing to the leaf, “we’d have no talk of an address of welcome.”

“That’s true,” said Mr. O’Connor.

“Musha, God be with them times!” said the old man. “There was some life in it then.”

The room was silent again. Then a bustling little man with a snuffling nose and very cold ears pushed in the door. He walked over quickly to the fire, rubbing his hands as if he intended to produce a spark from them.

“No money, boys,” he said.

“Sit down here, Mr. Henchy,” said the old man, offering him his chair.

“O, don’t stir, Jack, don’t stir,” said Mr. Henchy

He nodded curtly to Mr. Hynes and sat down on the chair which the old man vacated.

“Did you serve Aungier Street?” he asked Mr. O’Connor.

“Yes,” said Mr. O’Connor, beginning to search his pockets for memoranda.

“Did you call on Grimes?”

“I did.”

“Well? How does he stand?”

“He wouldn’t promise. He said: ‘I won’t tell anyone what way I’m going to vote.’ But I think he’ll be all right.”

“Why so?”

“He asked me who the nominators were; and I told him. I mentioned Father Burke’s name. I think it’ll be all right.”

Mr. Henchy began to snuffle and to rub his hands over the fire at a terrific speed. Then he said:

“For the love of God, Jack, bring us a bit of coal. There must be some left.”

The old man went out of the room.

“It’s no go,” said Mr. Henchy, shaking his head. “I asked the little shoeboy, but he said: ‘Oh, now, Mr. Henchy, when I see work going on properly I won’t forget you, you may be sure.’ Mean little tinker! ‘Usha, how could he be anything else?”

“What did I tell you, Mat?” said Mr. Hynes. “Tricky Dicky Tierney.”

“0, he’s as tricky as they make ’em,” said Mr. Henchy. “He hasn’t got those little pigs’ eyes for nothing. Blast his soul! Couldn’t he pay up like a man instead of: ‘O, now, Mr. Henchy, I must speak to Mr. Fanning. . . . I’ve spent a lot of money’? Mean little schoolboy of hell! I suppose he forgets the time his little old father kept the hand-me-down shop in Mary’s Lane.”

“But is that a fact?” asked Mr. O’Connor.

“God, yes,” said Mr. Henchy. “Did you never hear that? And the men used to go in on Sunday morning before the houses were open to buy a waistcoat or a trousers — moya! But Tricky Dicky’s little old father always had a tricky little black bottle up in a corner. Do you mind now? That’s that. That’s where he first saw the light.”

The old man returned with a few lumps of coal which he placed here and there on the fire.

“Thats a nice how-do-you-do,” said Mr. O’Connor. “How does he expect us to work for him if he won’t stump up?”

“I can’t help it,” said Mr. Henchy. “I expect to find the bailiffs in the hall when I go home.”

Mr. Hynes laughed and, shoving himself away from the mantelpiece with the aid of his shoulders, made ready to leave.

“It’ll be all right when King Eddie comes,” he said. “Well boys, I’m off for the present. See you later. ‘Bye, ‘bye.”

He went out of the room slowly. Neither Mr. Henchy nor the old man said anything, but, just as the door was closing, Mr. O’Connor, who had been staring moodily into the fire, called out suddenly:

“‘Bye, Joe.”

Mr. Henchy waited a few moments and then nodded in the direction of the door.

“Tell me,” he said across the fire, “what brings our friend in here? What does he want?”

“‘Usha, poor Joe!” said Mr. O’Connor, throwing the end of his cigarette into the fire, “he’s hard up, like the rest of us.”

Mr. Henchy snuffled vigorously and spat so copiously that he nearly put out the fire, which uttered a hissing protest.

“To tell you my private and candid opinion,” he said, “I think he’s a man from the other camp. He’s a spy of Colgan’s, if you ask me. Just go round and try and find out how they’re getting on. They won’t suspect you. Do you twig?”

“Ah, poor Joe is a decent skin,” said Mr. O’Connor.

“His father was a decent, respectable man,” Mr. Henchy admitted. “Poor old Larry Hynes! Many a good turn he did in his day! But I’m greatly afraid our friend is not nineteen carat. Damn it, I can understand a fellow being hard up, but what I can’t understand is a fellow sponging. Couldn’t he have some spark of manhood about him?”

“He doesn’t get a warm welcome from me when he comes,” said the old man. “Let him work for his own side and not come spying around here.”

“I don’t know,” said Mr. O’Connor dubiously, as he took out cigarette-papers and tobacco. “I think Joe Hynes is a straight man. He’s a clever chap, too, with the pen. Do you remember that thing he wrote . . .?”

“Some of these hillsiders and fenians are a bit too clever if ask me,” said Mr. Henchy. “Do you know what my private and candid opinion is about some of those little jokers? I believe half of them are in the pay of the Castle.”

“There’s no knowing,” said the old man.

“O, but I know it for a fact,” said Mr. Henchy. “They’re Castle hacks. . . . I don’t say Hynes. . . . No, damn it, I think he’s a stroke above that. . . . But there’s a certain little nobleman with a cock-eye — you know the patriot I’m alluding to?”

Mr. O’Connor nodded.

“There’s a lineal descendant of Major Sirr for you if you like! O, the heart’s blood of a patriot! That’s a fellow now that’d sell his country for fourpence — ay — and go down on his bended knees and thank the Almighty Christ he had a country to sell.”

There was a knock at the door.

“Come in!” said Mr. Henchy.

A person resembling a poor clergyman or a poor actor appeared in the doorway. His black clothes were tightly buttoned on his short body and it was impossible to say whether he wore a clergyman’s collar or a layman’s, because the collar of his shabby frock-coat, the uncovered buttons of which reflected the candlelight, was turned up about his neck. He wore a round hat of hard black felt. His face, shining with raindrops, had the appearance of damp yellow cheese save where two rosy spots indicated the cheekbones. He opened his very long mouth suddenly to express disappointment and at the same time opened wide his very bright blue eyes to express pleasure and surprise.

“O Father Keon!” said Mr. Henchy, jumping up from his chair. “Is that you? Come in!”

“O, no, no, no!” said Father Keon quickly, pursing his lips as if he were addressing a child.

“Won’t you come in and sit down?”

“No, no, no!” said Father Keon, speaking in a discreet, indulgent, velvety voice. “Don’t let me disturb you now! I’m just looking for Mr. Fanning. . . . ”

“He’s round at the Black Eagle,” said Mr. Henchy. “But won’t you come in and sit down a minute?”

“No, no, thank you. It was just a little business matter,” said Father Keon. “Thank you, indeed.”

He retreated from the doorway and Mr. Henchy, seizing one of the candlesticks, went to the door to light him downstairs.

“O, don’t trouble, I beg!”

“No, but the stairs is so dark.”

“No, no, I can see. . . . Thank you, indeed.”

“Are you right now?”

“All right, thanks. . . . Thanks.”

Mr. Henchy returned with the candlestick and put it on the table. He sat down again at the fire. There was silence for a few moments.

“Tell me, John,” said Mr. O’Connor, lighting his cigarette with another pasteboard card.

“Hm? ”

“What he is exactly?”

“Ask me an easier one,” said Mr. Henchy.

“Fanning and himself seem to me very thick. They’re often in Kavanagh’s together. Is he a priest at all?”

“Mmmyes, I believe so. . . . I think he’s what you call black sheep. We haven’t many of them, thank God! but we have a few. . . . He’s an unfortunate man of some kind. . . . ”

“And how does he knock it out?” asked Mr. O’Connor.

“That’s another mystery.”

“Is he attached to any chapel or church or institution or —-”

“No,” said Mr. Henchy, “I think he’s travelling on his own account. . . . God forgive me,” he added, “I thought he was the dozen of stout.”

“Is there any chance of a drink itself?” asked Mr. O’Connor.

“I’m dry too,” said the old man.

“I asked that little shoeboy three times,” said Mr. Henchy, “would he send up a dozen of stout. I asked him again now, but he was leaning on the counter in his shirt-sleeves having a deep goster with Alderman Cowley.”

“Why didn’t you remind him?” said Mr. O’Connor.

“Well, I couldn’t go over while he was talking to Alderman Cowley. I just waited till I caught his eye, and said: ‘About that little matter I was speaking to you about. . . . ’ ‘That’ll be all right, Mr. H.,’ he said. Yerra, sure the little hop-o’-my-thumb has forgotten all about it.”

“There’s some deal on in that quarter,” said Mr. O’Connor thoughtfully. “I saw the three of them hard at it yesterday at Suffolk Street corner.”

“I think I know the little game they’re at,” said Mr. Henchy. “You must owe the City Fathers money nowadays if you want to be made Lord Mayor. Then they’ll make you Lord Mayor. By God! I’m thinking seriously of becoming a City Father myself. What do you think? Would I do for the job?”

Mr. O’Connor laughed.

“So far as owing money goes. . . . ”

“Driving out of the Mansion House,” said Mr. Henchy, “in all my vermin, with Jack here standing up behind me in a powdered wig — eh?”

“And make me your private secretary, John.”

“Yes. And I’ll make Father Keon my private chaplain. We’ll have a family party.”

“Faith, Mr. Henchy,” said the old man, “you’d keep up better style than some of them. I was talking one day to old Keegan, the porter. ‘And how do you like your new master, Pat?’ says I to him. ‘You haven’t much entertaining now,’ says I. ‘Entertaining!’ says he. ‘He’d live on the smell of an oil-rag.’ And do you know what he told me? Now, I declare to God I didn’t believe him.”

“What?” said Mr. Henchy and Mr. O’Connor.

“He told me: ‘What do you think of a Lord Mayor of Dublin sending out for a pound of chops for his dinner? How’s that for high living?’ says he. ‘Wisha! wisha,’ says I. ‘A pound of chops,’ says he, ‘coming into the Mansion House.’ ‘Wisha!’ says I, ‘what kind of people is going at all now?”

At this point there was a knock at the door, and a boy put in his head.

“What is it?” said the old man.

“From the Black Eagle,” said the boy, walking in sideways and depositing a basket on the floor with a noise of shaken bottles.

The old man helped the boy to transfer the bottles from the basket to the table and counted the full tally. After the transfer the boy put his basket on his arm and asked:

“Any bottles?”

“What bottles?” said the old man.

“Won’t you let us drink them first?” said Mr. Henchy.

“I was told to ask for the bottles.”

“Come back tomorrow,” said the old man.

“Here, boy!” said Mr. Henchy, “will you run over to O’Farrell’s and ask him to lend us a corkscrew — for Mr. Henchy, say. Tell him we won’t keep it a minute. Leave the basket there.”

The boy went out and Mr. Henchy began to rub his hands cheerfully, saying:

“Ah, well, he’s not so bad after all. He’s as good as his word, anyhow.”

“There’s no tumblers,” said the old man.

“O, don’t let that trouble you, Jack,” said Mr. Henchy. “Many’s the good man before now drank out of the bottle.”

“Anyway, it’s better than nothing,” said Mr. O’Connor.

“He’s not a bad sort,” said Mr. Henchy, “only Fanning has such a loan of him. He means well, you know, in his own tinpot way.”

The boy came back with the corkscrew. The old man opened three bottles and was handing back the corkscrew when Mr. Henchy said to the boy:

“Would you like a drink, boy?”

“If you please, sir,” said the boy.

The old man opened another bottle grudgingly, and handed it to the boy.

“What age are you?” he asked.

“Seventeen,” said the boy.

As the old man said nothing further, the boy took the bottle. said: “Here’s my best respects, sir, to Mr. Henchy,” drank the contents, put the bottle back on the table and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. Then he took up the corkscrew and went out of the door sideways, muttering some form of salutation.

“That’s the way it begins,” said the old man.

“The thin edge of the wedge,” said Mr. Henchy.

The old man distributed the three bottles which he had opened and the men drank from them simultaneously. After having drank each placed his bottle on the mantelpiece within hand’s reach and drew in a long breath of satisfaction.

“Well, I did a good day’s work today,” said Mr. Henchy, after a pause.

“That so, John?”

“Yes. I got him one or two sure things in Dawson Street, Crofton and myself. Between ourselves, you know, Crofton (he’s a decent chap, of course), but he’s not worth a damn as a canvasser. He hasn’t a word to throw to a dog. He stands and looks at the people while I do the talking.”

Here two men entered the room. One of them was a very fat man whose blue serge clothes seemed to be in danger of falling from his sloping figure. He had a big face which resembled a young ox’s face in expression, staring blue eyes and a grizzled moustache. The other man, who was much younger and frailer, had a thin, clean-shaven face. He wore a very high double collar and a wide-brimmed bowler hat.

“Hello, Crofton!” said Mr. Henchy to the fat man. “Talk of the devil . . . ”

“Where did the boose come from?” asked the young man. “Did the cow calve?”

“O, of course, Lyons spots the drink first thing!” said Mr. O’Connor, laughing.

“Is that the way you chaps canvass,” said Mr. Lyons, “and Crofton and I out in the cold and rain looking for votes?”

“Why, blast your soul,” said Mr. Henchy, “I’d get more votes in five minutes than you two’d get in a week.”

“Open two bottles of stout, Jack,” said Mr. O’Connor.

“How can I?” said the old man, “when there’s no corkscrew? ”

“Wait now, wait now!” said Mr. Henchy, getting up quickly. “Did you ever see this little trick?”

He took two bottles from the table and, carrying them to the fire, put them on the hob. Then he sat dow-n again by the fire and took another drink from his bottle. Mr. Lyons sat on the edge of the table, pushed his hat towards the nape of his neck and began to swing his legs.

“Which is my bottle?” he asked.

“This, lad,” said Mr. Henchy.

Mr. Crofton sat down on a box and looked fixedly at the other bottle on the hob. He was silent for two reasons. The first reason, sufficient in itself, was that he had nothing to say; the second reason was that he considered his companions beneath him. He had been a canvasser for Wilkins, the Conservative, but when the Conservatives had withdrawn their man and, choosing the lesser of two evils, given their support to the Nationalist candidate, he had been engaged to work for Mr. Tiemey.

In a few minutes an apologetic “Pok!” was heard as the cork flew out of Mr. Lyons’ bottle. Mr. Lyons jumped off the table, went to the fire, took his bottle and carried it back to the table.

“I was just telling them, Crofton,” said Mr. Henchy, that we got a good few votes today.”

“Who did you get?” asked Mr. Lyons.

“Well, I got Parkes for one, and I got Atkinson for two, and got Ward of Dawson Street. Fine old chap he is, too — regular old toff, old Conservative! ‘But isn’t your candidate a Nationalist?’ said he. ‘He’s a respectable man,’ said I. ‘He’s in favour of whatever will benefit this country. He’s a big ratepayer,’ I said. ‘He has extensive house property in the city and three places of business and isn’t it to his own advantage to keep down the rates? He’s a prominent and respected citizen,’ said I, ‘and a Poor Law Guardian, and he doesn’t belong to any party, good, bad, or indifferent.’ That’s the way to talk to ’em.”

“And what about the address to the King?” said Mr. Lyons, after drinking and smacking his lips.

“Listen to me,” said Mr. Henchy. “What we want in thus country, as I said to old Ward, is capital. The King’s coming here will mean an influx of money into this country. The citizens of Dublin will benefit by it. Look at all the factories down by the quays there, idle! Look at all the money there is in the country if we only worked the old industries, the mills, the ship-building yards and factories. It’s capital we want.”

“But look here, John,” said Mr. O’Connor. “Why should we welcome the King of England? Didn’t Parnell himself . . . ”

“Parnell,” said Mr. Henchy, “is dead. Now, here’s the way I look at it. Here’s this chap come to the throne after his old mother keeping him out of it till the man was grey. He’s a man of the world, and he means well by us. He’s a jolly fine decent fellow, if you ask me, and no damn nonsense about him. He just says to himself: ‘The old one never went to see these wild Irish. By Christ, I’ll go myself and see what they’re like.’ And are we going to insult the man when he comes over here on a friendly visit? Eh? Isn’t that right, Crofton?”

Mr. Crofton nodded his head.

“But after all now,” said Mr. Lyons argumentatively, “King Edward’s life, you know, is not the very . . . ”

“Let bygones be bygones,” said Mr. Henchy. “I admire the man personally. He’s just an ordinary knockabout like you and me. He’s fond of his glass of grog and he’s a bit of a rake, perhaps, and he’s a good sportsman. Damn it, can’t we Irish play fair?”

“That’s all very fine,” said Mr. Lyons. “But look at the case of Parnell now.”

“In the name of God,” said Mr. Henchy, “where’s the analogy between the two cases?”

“What I mean,” said Mr. Lyons, “is we have our ideals. Why, now, would we welcome a man like that? Do you think now after what he did Parnell was a fit man to lead us? And why, then, would we do it for Edward the Seventh?”

“This is Parnell’s anniversary,” said Mr. O’Connor, “and don’t let us stir up any bad blood. We all respect him now that he’s dead and gone — even the Conservatives,” he added, turning to Mr. Crofton.

Pok! The tardy cork flew out of Mr. Crofton’s bottle. Mr. Crofton got up from his box and went to the fire. As he returned with his capture he said in a deep voice:

“Our side of the house respects him, because he was a gentleman.”

“Right you are, Crofton!” said Mr. Henchy fiercely. “He was the only man that could keep that bag of cats in order. ‘Down, ye dogs! Lie down, ye curs!’ That’s the way he treated them. Come in, Joe! Come in!” he called out, catching sight of Mr. Hynes in the doorway.

Mr. Hynes came in slowly.

“Open another bottle of stout, Jack,” said Mr. Henchy. “O, I forgot there’s no corkscrew! Here, show me one here and I’ll put it at the fire.”

The old man handed him another bottle and he placed it on the hob.

“Sit down, Joe,” said Mr. O’Connor, “we’re just talking about the Chief.”

“Ay, ay!” said Mr. Henchy.

Mr. Hynes sat on the side of the table near Mr. Lyons but said nothing.

“There’s one of them, anyhow,” said Mr. Henchy, “that didn’t renege him. By God, I’ll say for you, Joe! No, by God, you stuck to him like a man!”

“0, Joe,” said Mr. O’Connor suddenly. “Give us that thing you wrote — do you remember? Have you got it on you?”

“0, ay!” said Mr. Henchy. “Give us that. Did you ever hear that. Crofton? Listen to this now: splendid thing.”

“Go on,” said Mr. O’Connor. “Fire away, Joe.”

Mr. Hynes did not seem to remember at once the piece to which they were alluding, but, after reflecting a while, he said:

“O, that thing is it. . . . Sure, that’s old now.”

“Out with it, man!” said Mr. O’Connor.

“‘Sh, ‘sh,” said Mr. Henchy. “Now, Joe!”

Mr. Hynes hesitated a little longer. Then amid the silence he took off his hat, laid it on the table and stood up. He seemed to be rehearsing the piece in his mind. After a rather long pause he announced:

THE DEATH OF PARNELL
6th October, 1891

He cleared his throat once or twice and then began to recite:

He is dead. Our Uncrowned King is dead.
O, Erin, mourn with grief and woe
For he lies dead whom the fell gang
Of modern hypocrites laid low.
He lies slain by the coward hounds
He raised to glory from the mire;
And Erin’s hopes and Erin’s dreams
Perish upon her monarch’s pyre.
In palace, cabin or in cot
The Irish heart where’er it be
Is bowed with woe — for he is gone
Who would have wrought her destiny.
He would have had his Erin famed,
The green flag gloriously unfurled,
Her statesmen, bards and warriors raised
Before the nations of the World.
He dreamed (alas, ’twas but a dream!)
Of Liberty: but as he strove
To clutch that idol, treachery
Sundered him from the thing he loved.
Shame on the coward, caitiff hands
That smote their Lord or with a kiss
Betrayed him to the rabble-rout
Of fawning priests — no friends of his.
May everlasting shame consume
The memory of those who tried
To befoul and smear the exalted name
Of one who spurned them in his pride.
He fell as fall the mighty ones,
Nobly undaunted to the last,
And death has now united him
With Erin’s heroes of the past.
No sound of strife disturb his sleep!
Calmly he rests: no human pain
Or high ambition spurs him now
The peaks of glory to attain.
They had their way: they laid him low.
But Erin, list, his spirit may
Rise, like the Phoenix from the flames,
When breaks the dawning of the day,
The day that brings us Freedom’s reign.
And on that day may Erin well
Pledge in the cup she lifts to Joy
One grief — the memory of Parnell.

Mr. Hynes sat down again on the table. When he had finished his recitation there was a silence and then a burst of clapping: even Mr. Lyons clapped. The applause continued for a little time. When it had ceased all the auditors drank from their bottles in silence.

Pok! The cork flew out of Mr. Hynes’ bottle, but Mr. Hynes remained sitting flushed and bare-headed on the table. He did not seem to have heard the invitation.

“Good man, Joe!” said Mr. O’Connor, taking out his cigarette papers and pouch the better to hide his emotion.

“What do you think of that, Crofton?” cried Mr. Henchy. “Isn’t that fine? What?”

Crofton said that it was a very fine piece of writing.

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April 2004 books

This was the month I turned 37. I went to Strasbourg for work, and also to the Hague with Anne, F, U and Anne's sister H (who babysat the kids during the ceremony) for the wedding of my friend Mabel to Prince Friso of the Netherlands. Their marriage was tragically brief, as it turned out.

Romance was clearly in the air that month. A couple of days after the royal wedding, I had a birthday dinner in Brussels; a colleague visiting from out of town discovered that he really liked one of our Brussels team, and things developed from there. They stayed together for several years, though are no longer an item. Still, their little girl owes her existence to my 37th birthday celebrations.

Meanwhile at work, my Croatian intern S also left (as mentioned before, she is now with an international organisation back in Croatia), and was replaced by A, half Slovene, half Geordie. We published a report reacting to the previous month's Kosovo violence. At this passage of time, I can also reveal that I wrote most of an op-ed on Cyprus published in the New York Times under the names of my boss and the chair of the board. The referendum, of course, went the wrong way. I had no idea that I would get more involved in that issue in the years to come.

The books I read in April 2004 were:

Non-fiction 5 (YTD 15)
What If? 2: Eminent Historians Imagine What Might Have Been, ed. Robert Cowley (presented as non-fiction)
The Salmon of Doubt: Hitch-hiking the Galaxy One Last Time, by Douglas Adams (edited by Peter Guzzardi) (includes some fiction, but the core is non-fiction)
Green Shadows, White Whale, by Ray Bradbury (also includes some fiction, but the core is non-fiction)
Essays and Lays of Ancient Rome, by Thomas Babington Macaulay
How Bosnia Armed, by Marko Attila Hoare

1,300 pages (YTD 15,000)
0/5 by women (YTD 12/40); still none by PoC

Links above to my reviews, links below to Amazon.

It was a busy month, as noted up top, with less time for reading than usual. To be honest, I hesitate to recommend any of them very strongly, but the Douglas Adams book is at least by Douglas Adams, and the Bosnia book is good for specialists. The Ray Bradbury was disappointing.


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Tuesday reading

Current
The Three Musketeers, by Alexandre Dumas
Hild, by Nicola Griffith
Wildthyme Beyond!, by Paul Magrs

Last books finished
Revelation of the Daleks, by Jon Preddle
Girl, Woman, Other, by Bernardine Evaristo

Next books
Western Sahara: War, Nationalism and Conflict Irresolution, by Stephen Zunes
She Was Good-She Was Funny, by David Marusek

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My tweets

  • Mon, 18:24: Dragon’s Claw, by Dave Gibbons, Stebe Parkhouse and Steve Moore https://t.co/SyXTlbbqW2
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Dragon’s Claw, by Dave Gibbons, Steve Parkhouse and Steve Moore

Second frame of third story (“Dreamers of Death”, by Steve Moore and Dave Gibbons):

The second volume of Fourth Doctor strips from Doctor Who Magazine, in between those published in the collections The Iron Legion and The Tides of Time. These are all solid stories, with the two standouts for me being “The Life Bringer” also by Moore and Gibbons, which brings the Doctor into the Prometheus legend, and the grim “End of the Line” by Steve Parkhouse and Dave Gibbons, in which there is no happy ending. I enjoyed them a lot when I first read them almost forty years ago and I enjoyed revisiting them. You can get the collection here.

This was my top unread English-language comic. Next up is another Doctor Who collection, As Time Goes By.

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Life in 2020, as portrayed in science fiction

With a new year coming, it’s a good time to think about how the year 2020 looked from the distant vantage point of science fiction from the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. (I’m therefore not going to mention the 2010 Doctor Who episodes, The Hungry Earth and Cold Blood. Oops, I just did.) So here’s a survey of sf stories set next year, published before the year 2000, inclduing books, films and TV series (but not games, sorry). I have listed them in chronological roder – three from 1890-1907, then a big gap until two in the 1960s, three in the 1970s, nine in the 1980s and ten in the 1990s.

The first three books that I found are all reactions to Edward Bellamy’s classic Looking Backward, 1887-2000, in which his protagonist Julian West awakes after sleeping for 113 years to discover that the USA (and Massachusetts in particular) has now become a socialist utopia. If you haven’t read it, it’s an essential text for political science fiction. (It was one of the first books I reviewed on this blog. You can get it here for free, or here for money.) Since it was set in 2000, it’s fairly natural for writers responding to Bellamy to look two decades further ahead for their setting.

The first of these, published in 1890, is Looking Further Backward: Being a Series of Lectures Delivered to the Freshman Class at Shawmut College by Professor Won Lung Li (Successor of Prof Julian West), Mandarin of the Second Rank of the Golden Dragon and Chief of the Historical Sections of the Colleges in the North-Eastern Division of the Chinese Province of North America: Now, for the First Time, Collected, Edited and Condensed, by Arthur Dudley Vinton. The framing narrative is set in 2023, but looks back to the happy times of 2020 three years earlier, when capitalism was restored to the USA by a Chinese invasion, because socialist America was unable to resist. It’s online here or you can buy it here.

Three years later, in 1893, Josef Ritter von Neupauer published Österreich im Jahre 2020: Sozialpolitischer Roman [Austria in the year 2020: a social-political novel]. Here Julian West from Looking Backward and a friend from another utopian novel of the time visit a future Austria, which has successfully maintained the Hapsburg monarchy and aristocracy and at the same time adopted most of the socialism of Bellamy’s novel. Austria is part of a European Union (that phrase isn’t quite used) which stretches from the Atlantic to the Urals, but does not include England. Unfortunately the novel has not been translated (might be worth someone’s while – it’s fairly short). It’s online here or you can buy it here.

In 1907, the gloriously named Horace Newte published The master beast : being a true account of the ruthless tyranny inflicted on the British people by socialism A. D. 1888-2020, republished in 1919 as The Red Fury: Britain Under Bolshevism. Unlike the other two, Bellamy isn’t mentioned explicitly but it’s clearly a response all the same. Newte’s hero is dismayed to see socialists come to power in Britain at the start of the twentieth century, followed of course by a successful German invasion. He then sleeps from 1911 to 2020, and awakes to find a morally degenerate country where women behave with dreadful freedom. But England is then invaded again, this time by African and Chinese forces, and he escapes to France. It’s online here.

I have not found any examples of stories explicitly set in 2020 from the next half century, including the period generally referred to as the Golden Age, which is a bit surprising. When I did a similar survey for 2015, I found several. Anyway, we now move to the silver screen, though interestingly we stay with communism, to 1962 and one of the greatest Soviet films about space exploration, Planet of Storms (Планета Бурь) in which three intrepid cosmonauts and their robot explore the planet Venus, which is inhabited by prehistoric beasts but whose more humanoid inhabitants elude them. This of course was just after Yuri Gagarin had become the first human in space. A year before Valentina Tereshkova, the cosmonauts have a woman comrade, who is left orbiting the planet while they explore. You can watch the whole thing with English subtitles here:

Roger Corman acquired US rights to the film, and savagely cut it into two more films, dubbing all the Russian actors and adding scenes with Basil Rathbone for the 1965 film Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet, which you can watch here, and then adding more footage from another Russian film and new scenes with bikini-clad actors led by Mamie van Doren for the 1968 film, Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, which you can watch here. If you really want to.

The first TV science fiction explicitly set in 2020, very much to my surprise, turns out to be Power of the Daleks, Patrick Troughton’s debut in the lead role of Doctor Who, in which the Doctor impersonates an official investigating Dalek infiltration of a human base on the planet Vulcan. The year 2020 is not mentioned at all in the story as broadcast (sadly all video footage has been lost, though you can get an animation and a narrated audio), but the trailer, broadcast on 4 November 1966, makes the date absolutely clear.

Next a couple of novels to which I was alerted by the Science Fiction Encyclopedia (which I’ll quote from). In Wings of the Morning (1971), by Adrienne Anderson, returning to a theme we have already met in this list, the protagonist “awakens in 2020 to find a transformed world”. Exactly how the world has been transformed, I have been unable to discover. If you want to find out and tell me, you can get it here. In Cloning (1972), the author David Shear “complicatedly entwines the presence of androids and cloning in the world of 2020; the protagonist, a molecular biologist who is an unknowing member of a cluster of clones, must cope with profound issues of identity, dramatized through an android campaign for equal rights with humans.” You can get it here. Both were published by Robert Hale Ltd in the UK.

Beck to television, and if you were watching Hanna Barbera cartoons in late 1972, you might have heard this announcement:

This is the year 2020. The place is the Challenger Sea Mount – the top of an underwater mountain, a complex beneath the sea. Two hundred and fifty men, women and children live here, each of them a scientist pioneer. For this is our last frontier – a hostile environment which may hold the key to tomorrow. Each day, these oceanauts meet new challenges as they build their city beneath the sea … This is Sealab 2020.

Sealab 2020 was not a successand was cancelled after 13 of the planned 16 episodes had been shown. But you can find all of them on Youtube. Several of the episodes were later redubbed for the Adult Swim show Sealab 2021.

According to experts on the series, Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973), the fifth and final film in the original sequence, is set in 2020. However this seems to be extrapolation from other information, not explicitly stated in the film, so I am not sure if it counts.

There is no doubt about the setting of the stories in the 1974 anthology 2020 Vision, edited by Jerry Pournelle. One of them, “A Thing of Beauty” by Norman Spinrad, got a Nebula nomination. The other authors represented were Ben Bova, Larry Niven, Harlan Ellison, Poul Anderson, Dian Girard, David McDaniel and A. E. van Vogt. There’s a Reddit thread about it. Bova, Niven and Spinrad are still with us. I’ve actually ordered this and will report back. You can get it here.

The great Frederik Pohl’s less well-known 1981 novel The Cool War has a mild-mannered clergyman recruited to comic secret service skulduggery between the USA and Europe in a resource-poor future (the Middle EAst’s oil fields have been destroyed by war). A Goodreads reviewer comments, “Computers are rare and a library search engine is treated as a new technological marvel. Everyone still uses typewriters and tapes. The Soviet Union and Yugoslavia still exist. No one has cell phones.” You can get it here.

The Italian-American 1982 film 2020 Texas Gladiators looks like a pretty awful rip-off of the Mad Max subgenre. Only the first part of the film is actually set in 2020 (most of it is five years later). If you can bear it, here’s a trailer. (The full movie can be easily found online.)

We are on much firmer ground with Gerry Anderson’s 1983-1986 series Terrahawks, in which his latest puppeteering techniques were brought to bear on the problem of saving Easrth from the andraids of the planet Guk, invading via Mars in the year 2020. Again, you can get all the episodes on Youtube. Big Finish have recently revived it as an audio series.

We haven’t had any comics yet, but in 1984, the complex Marvel narrative of Iron Man took a trip to the year 2020, in the story Machine Man which also introduced the alternate-history version of the hero, Iron Man 2020, who has returned a couple of times since. You can get it here.

Two more gloomy futures via the Science Fiction Encyclopedia: the Trauma 2020 trilogy (1984-5) by Peter Beere, which “has some efficient moments at the depiction of urban dystopia” (you can get the first volume here, the second volume here and the third volume here). And Goodman 2020 (1986), by Fred Pfeil, set in “the dystopian corporate USA of 2020 CE, where all power has fallen into the hands of priest-like businessmen… The politics of the book may seem naive, but the execution is compelling.” You can get it here.

Now, something which I am really sorry to have missed when it was first broadcast: Knights of God (1987), a British kids sf series which ran for 13 episodes, where Britain in 2020 has been taken over by a theocratic militia and our young resistance hero is aided by his father, played by Gareth “Blake” Thomas, and the mysterious Arthur, played by Patrick “Second Doctor” Troughton (yes, him again). It was filmed in 1985, but by the time it was shown two years later both Troughton and Nigel Stock (who plays one of the baddies) had died. It sounds fantastic. Written by Richard Cooper, who also wrote the 1981 series Codename Icarus which I remember with chills down my spine. All of the episodes are on Youtube; I might watch it when I finish my current Blake’s 7 run. Here’s the first one.

I am less sorry to have missed the 1987 porn film Cabaret Sin, loosely based on Blade Runner. I won’t provide a link but it is easy to find the whole thing online if you want. Also, and I am not making this up, all of the sexy bits were removed from the 85-minute to make a 1988 63-minute release called Droid. Both are set in a dystopian 2020 where sex has become illegal (and yet somehow still happens).

I know DIC Entertainment mainly for Inspector Gadget, The Real Ghostbusters and Sailor Moon. I had forgotten, if I ever knew, that they had a future crime-fighting cartoon series called COPS (which stands for Central Organization of Police Specialists), set in “Empire City” in 2020, which ran to 65 episodes between 1988 and 1989. Here’s the opening sequence.

The weirdest thing on this list is Pamela West‘s 1990 novel, 20/20 Vision, according to the Science Fiction Encyclopedia: “an intricate time-travel tale in which a murder in 1995 is brooded over by a detective in 2020 and solved through the agency of time-travelling archivists from 2040, who send the detective back – via a form of computer-enhanced virtual reality – to explore the causes of the crime”. What the SFE doesn’t say is that the crime in the novel is based on a real-life murder in a university library in 1969; and bizarrely, the local district attorney disappeared in 2005 in circumstances similar to those portrayed in the book, published fifteen years earlier. You can get it here.

Also starting in 1990, but running until 1992, was the TV series Super Force, about an astronaut turned cop in the future city of Metroplex (Wikipedia). Stars Ken Olandt and Patrick Macnee. Guest stars included G. Gordon Liddy of Watergate fame. (That makes three crime-in-2020 shows/novels in a row.) Here’s the opening titles.

The War in 2020 (1991) is by Ralph Peters, who went on to become an analyst on Fox News. Rather weirdly for a book published in 1991, the Soviet Union still exists in 2020 until a Japanese-backed Islamic army invades central Asia, requiring manly pushback by the heroic and enlightened US armed forces. You can get it here if you really want to.

The Ghanaian writer [B.] Kojo Laing is the only African voice on this list. His Major Gentl and the Achimoto Wars is described thus by Mark Bould: “Set in 2020, it tells of the war between Major Gentl and the mercenary Torro the Terrible, with the fate of Achimoto City and perhaps all Africa hanging in the balance. It is dense, fantastical, poetic”. Brenda Cooper however says that Laing “succumbed to the pleasures of the linguistic devices and philosophical riddles and paradoxes to the extent of creating a fiction that is almost unreadable”. Sounds fascinating, actually. You can get it here.

A writer I hadn’t expected to see on this list is Ken Kesey, best known for One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. According to the publisher’s blurb, his 1992 novel Sailor Song is “set in the near future in the fishing village of Kuinak, Alaska, a remnant outpost of the American frontier not yet completely overcome by environmental havoc and mad-dog development, Sailor Song is a wild, rollicking novel, a dark and cosmic romp. The town and its denizens – colorful refugees from the Lower Forty-Eight and Descendants of Early Aboriginal People- are seduced and besieged by a Hollywood crew, come to film the classic children’s book The Sea Lion. The ensuing turf war escalates into a struggle for the soul of the town as the novel spins and swirls toward a harrowing climax.” You can get it here.

Kim Stanley Robinson’s Mars trilogy is mainly set in the decades and centuries starting in 2026, but the anchor point of the narrative is that John Boone, one of the protagonists, is the first man to walk on Mars in 2020.

Nigel Watts, whose book about writing novels seems to have done better than any of the novels he actually wrote, published Twenty Twenty in 1995. The blurb says: “The year is 2020, and an ageing writer infected with a deadly virus has retreated from the human race to a derelict factory. In the Californian desert, an English woman and an American systems pilot are working on a Virtual Reality programme. Then a connection between the two scenarios emerges.” You can get it here.

The Quint Dalrymple novels by Paul Johnston are set in the 2020s, in an Edinburgh which has become an independent city-state ruled by dubiously enlightened intellectuals. This does sound like an interesting concept, I have to admit. The first of the series, Body Politic (1997) is explicitly set in 2020. You can get it here.

Tracy Hickman, best known as collaborator with Margaret Weis on TSR’s Dragonlance series, published his first solo book The Immortals also in 1997. The blurb says: “The United States in the year 2010 is a country ravaged by V-CIDS, a deadly mutation of the AIDS virus. With proportions reaching epidemic stages, the government has set up isolated intern camps–with shocking intentions!” Kirkus was not impressed, but you can get it here.

Back to comics again with 2020 Visions (the third time we’ve had that title or something like it), a twelve-episode comic by Jamie Delano with art by Warren Pleece, Steve Pugh, Frank Quitely and James Romberger. According to the blurb, it “follows the lives of a disjointed family, struggling to survive in the morally and socially decadent United States of 2020. From symbiotic venereal diseases to exclusive human breeding facilities, the future never looked so bleak, or so hopeful.” You can get the collection here. I’ve ordered this one as well, and will report back.

Finally, the best known book of the lot, Toward the End of Time, by John Updike, published in 1999. It is the only book on this list that I have actually read, and I didn’t like it: “A depressing, miserable piece of whining. Author who hasn’t done much sf writes a post-apocalypse novel where the decline of society mirrors the narrator’s the decline into old age, and thinks it’s something special. Avoid.” If you want to ignore my advice, you can get it here.

My arbitrary cutoff publication date of 2000 means I’ve missed a lot of potentially interesting work – some of which is on this list of SF set in 2020 by Sajal Ghimire. But I think that as 2020 comes closer to the present day, we’re looking less at futurology and more at current affairs (though of course a lot of the novels mentioned above basically are current affairs commentary). Any views on any of these?

My tweets

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  • Sat, 15:27: My Fair Lady (1964), Pygmalion (1938) and the original script by Bernard Shaw https://t.co/3ny9toVfXJ
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My Fair Lady (1964), Pygmalion (1938) and the original script by Bernard Shaw

My Fair Lady won the Oscar for Best Picture of 1964, and picked up another seven: Best Director (George Cukor), Best Actor (Rex Harrison as Higgins), Best Cinematography (Harry Stradling), Best Sound, Best Adaptation or Treatment Score (André Previn), Best Art Direction and Best Costume Design (Cecil Beaton). Stanley Holloway and Gladys Cooper were nominated in supporting roles as the protagonists’ parents (Eliza’s father and Higgins’ mother), beaten by Peter Ustinov in Topkapi and Lila Kedrova in Zorba the Greek respectively.

The other Best Picture nominees were Becket and Zorba the Greek, which I have not seen, and Dr. Strangelove and Mary Poppins, which I have. On the two IMDB rankings of 1964 films, My Fair Lady rates 5th on one list and 7th on the other. Dr. Strangelove, Mary Poppins, Goldfinger and A Fistful of Dollars are ranked ahead of it on both lists. 1964 is one of my better years for films: apart from Dr. Strangelove and Mary Poppins, I have also seen Goldfinger, Zulu, A Shot in the Dark, A Hard Day’s Night, Topkapi, Carry On Cleo, and The 7th Dawn (in which my late aunt can be seen dancing at around the 38 minute mark). The Hugo went (as previously discussed) to Dr. Strangelove. Here’s a trailer.

When I was thirteen, I really loved this film. It was a time when our parents’ circle included such linguistic luminaries as Melissa Bowerman (whose daughter I caught up with last month, for the first time in nearly 40 years), Bob Kirsner, Piet Zoetmulder and Mario Alinei, not to mention C.J. Bailey, and I was myself fascinated by how languages evolve and change (a fascination that has not completely left me). And here was a film about my personal obsession, and one with wonderful music and acting as well. I more or less knew it by heart.

And wow, it hasn’t aged well at all. What struck me hard, watching it again for the first time in decades, is just how bad Higgins’ misogynistic treatment of Eliza is – constant negging, undermining and pretty close to gaslighting. And the film is not redeemed by the ending – Higgins shows no sign of remorse or repentance, just continuing desire for Eliza; and yet she comes back to him anyway, after a brief moment of defiance – as an abused partner returns to the devil they think they know. One can only imagine the response she would get if she posted about her situation to r/relationships or Captain Awkward. I’m afraid that despite the spectacular delivery and glorious music, I’m demoting it to three-quarters of the way down my list, below How Green Was My Valley, which also has quaint Brits singing, but gets the gender and class stuff much better, and above Going My Way, whose merits and demerits are both fewer in number.

Before I get into the nitty gritty, I have to be a complete language nerd about one particular line. In the first song, Rex Harrison as Higgins sings, “Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks are taught their Greek.”

I have been wondering a bit about this line. Of course, Lerner and Lowe probably chose Norwegian and Greek as the two examples mainly for rhythm and rhyme. There are not a lot of alternatives. Other languages with more speakers than Norwegian, whose names both describe the people who speak them and are pronounced as amphibrachs include “Bengali”, “Korean”, “Somali”, but I guess that “Norwegian” fits the cultural context of “My Fair Lady” better. (You could also consider “Ukrainian”, “Romanian”, “Hungarian”, “Albanian”, “Bulgarian”, “Armenian” and “Mongolian”, but a lot of people would pronounce them with four syllables, while I think most English speakers would elide the “i” in “Norwegian”.) And the only other language I can think of which would rhyme with “speak” is “Creek“. (One could stretch a point for “Arab-eek” or “Amhar-eek”, or with a bit more geographical outreach “Tajik”, but “Greek” is an understandable choice.)

But the interesting thing about the line “Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks are taught their Greek” is that in 1956, when the musical of My Fair Lady was made, and in 1964, when the film came out, it was not true. At least, not completely. Both Greece (at the time) and Norway are classic examples of countries in a state of diglossia, where there were actually two versions of the official language. Anyone learning Norwegian even today must choose between Bokmål and Nynorsk (Bokmål is a bit like Danish; Nynorsk is a bit like Bokmål). And until 1974, anyone learning modern Greek had to choose between the nineteenth-century Καθαρεύουσα and the (literally) demotic δημοτική (which is now the only standard). It is ironic that the two languages Lerner and Lowe chose for Professor Higgins’ line are the two European languages of which the statement was least accurate at the time they were writing.

I strongly suspect Lerner and Lowe were unaware of this wrinkle. More likely, if there is another reason beyond euphony, they chose Norwegian as a mild homage to Ibsen, whose dramatic influence on Shaw is well attested, and Greek as a reference to the original source of the Pygmalion myth which Shaw drew on for the plot and title of his play.

Moving swiftly on, we have a couple of repeat actors who have been in previous Oscar winners – in fact, the two who got Best Supporting Oscar nominations but did not win were both in Laurence Olivier films. Stanley Holloway was the Gravedigger sixteen years ago in Hamlet. In 1964 he was 73, but really could pass for at least a decade younger.

And Gladys Cooper, aged 76 in 1964, was Beatrice Lacy, the sister of Olivier’s character Maxim de Winter, in Rebecca, twenty-four years ago.

(Here’s a trivia question for your next pub quiz: what do Rex Harrison, the actor Richard Harris, the disgraced Conservative cabinet minister Jonathan Aitken and Aitken’s cousin Peter have in common? The answer is that they all married the same woman, Elizabeth Rees-Williams, who is still with Jonathan.)

Anyway. I was so struck by the misogyny of the film of My Fair Lady that I went back and watched the 1938 Pygmalion, starring Leslie Howard (in Gone With The Wind the following year) and Wendy Hiller, for which George Bernard Shaw won an Oscar for Best Screenplay (making him the first person to win both an Oscar and a Nobel Prize; he has now been joined by Bob Dylan and arguably Al Gore). You can see it in full here. I also consulted the original 1913 theatre script – written 25 years before the 1938 film and 51 years before My Fair Lady hit the screens.

It’s really striking that in the original play, Higgins is clearly directed to be “entirely frank and void of malice that he remains likeable even in his least reasonable moments”, whereas Harrison’s portrayal is not at all likeable at any time; and even more striking that the 1938 version actually tones down Higgins’ chauvinism from the original script, some of the nastier passages about Eliza removed entirely and some of the epithets he uses softened. Both are still pretty bad, but the 1964 film is the worst. The 1938 film, like the musical and the 1964 film, has Eliza returning to Higgins in the end, but given that he has not been as nasty to her it’s a bit more plausible. Shaw, of course, disapproved and wrote a long postscript to the original play, explaining how Eliza successfully manages her relationships with Higgins and Pickering after marrying Freddie.

Part of it also, I think, is the age of the leading men. Rex Harrison was 56 in 1964; Leslie Howard 45 in 1938, and playing young. Harrison’s Higgins is mature and arrogant; Howard’s Higgins discovers that he still has something to learn. (Note also the completely different dynamic for Robert Powell, aged 37, in the BBC’s 1981 adaptation of the original play, which incidentally brings back Mona Washbourne, who plays Mrs Pearce in the 1964 film, for the same role 17 years later.) I have to say also that Audrey Hepburn’s Eliza seems to have much less gumption and depth than Wendy Hiller’s, which contributes to the negative dynamic. Beautiful though Hepburn is, I don’t think she was trying terribly hard here, and I can’t really blame her.

(More trivia for Brussels people – Audrey Hepburn was born at Rue Keyenveld 48, just off Rue du Prince Royal between Louise and Porte de Namur metro stations. It’s a few doors down from Les Brassins which you may have been to. There’s a plaque on the wall.)

One rather sad note – the ambassador hosting the ball (a scene which incidentally was originated by Shaw for the 1938 film) was played by Henry Daniell, who died suddenly the night after his scenes were shot. So we are seeing an actor with literally hours to live.

Also, before I get onto happier topics, I’ll just note that there is not a single non-white face in London in either 1938 or 1964. Tom Jones, set a century and a half earlier, scores better.

OK. To happier things. This film has some wonderful songs, and one or two utterly stunning visuals. My absolute favourite sequence is the Ascot scene, from start to finish, designed by Cecil Beaton, new to the musical and not in either of Shaw’s treatments (which have Eliza’s first faux pas taking place at a tea party chez Mrs Higgins). Here’s the start, mixing 1960s fashions with 1900s reserve:

followed by the actual race:

But it’s a tough call between that and “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly”:

Or indeed the two Stanley Holloway songs, “With A Little Bit of Luck” and “Get me To The Church on Time” (and again, remember, he’s 73):

And the whole thing looks beautiful. So there’s a lot to enjoy, provided you can tune out the message sent about 51% of the human race, and the entrenchment and endorsement of the patriarchy.

You can get the 1964 My Fair Lady here, the 1938 Pygmalion here, and the original script here.

Next up is The Sound of Music. I hope it has aged better.

1920s: Wings (1927-28) | The Broadway Melody (1928-29)
1930s: All Quiet on the Western Front (1929-30) | Cimarron (1930-31) | Grand Hotel (1931-32) | Cavalcade (1932-33) | It Happened One Night (1934) | Mutiny on the Bounty (1935, and books) | The Great Ziegfeld (1936) | The Life of Emile Zola (1937) | You Can’t Take It with You (1938) | Gone with the Wind (1939, and book)
1940s: Rebecca (1940) | How Green Was My Valley (1941) | Mrs. Miniver (1942) | Casablanca (1943) | Going My Way (1944) | The Lost Weekend (1945) | The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) | Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) | Hamlet (1948) | All the King’s Men (1949)
1950s: All About Eve (1950) | An American in Paris (1951) | The Greatest Show on Earth (1952) | From Here to Eternity (1953) | On The Waterfront (1954, and book) | Marty (1955) | Around the World in Eighty Days (1956) | The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) | Gigi (1958) | Ben-Hur (1959)
1960s: The Apartment (1960) | West Side Story (1961) | Lawrence of Arabia (1962) | Tom Jones (1963) | My Fair Lady (1964) | The Sound of Music (1965) | A Man for All Seasons (1966) | In the Heat of the Night (1967) | Oliver! (1968) | Midnight Cowboy (1969)
1970s: Patton (1970) | The French Connection (1971) | The Godfather (1972) | The Sting (1973) | The Godfather, Part II (1974) | One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) | Rocky (1976) | Annie Hall (1977) | The Deer Hunter (1978) | Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
1980s: Ordinary People (1980) | Chariots of Fire (1981) | Gandhi (1982) | Terms of Endearment (1983) | Amadeus (1984) | Out of Africa (1985) | Platoon (1986) | The Last Emperor (1987) | Rain Man (1988) | Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
1990s: Dances With Wolves (1990) | The Silence of the Lambs (1991) | Unforgiven (1992) | Schindler’s List (1993) | Forrest Gump (1994) | Braveheart (1995) | The English Patient (1996) | Titanic (1997) | Shakespeare in Love (1998) | American Beauty (1999)
21st century: Gladiator (2000) | A Beautiful Mind (2001) | Chicago (2002) | The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) | Million Dollar Baby (2004, and book) | Crash (2005) | The Departed (2006) | No Country for Old Men (2007) | Slumdog Millionaire (2008) | The Hurt Locker (2009)

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March 2004 books

March 2004 began with a week of travel, to Paris, Washington DC and New York. Riots broke out in Kosovo. We published a report on Serbia. I had to cancel a trip to Oslo (still have never yet been to Norway), but I also visited Budapest, and finished the month with a work conference in Dublin and a day in Belfast, where I met (separately) with Peter Robinson and Denis Donaldson. At home, we parted company with our au pair (a grumpy Belgian). One news item which I knew was important, but had no idea just how important it would be for me, was the announcement of Christopher Eccleston as the new Doctor Who.

Non-fiction 4 (YTD 10)

Eleanor of Aquitaine: Lord and Lady, ed. Bonnie Wheeler and John Carmi Parsons
Chance Witness: An Outsider's Life in Politics, by Matthew Parris

SF 10 (YTD 21)

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The Invisible Man, by H.G. Wells

Second paragraph of third chapter:

And he came down the steps towards the tail of the cart as if to lay hands on the smaller crate.

Back when I reread The Time Machine a few months ago, I spotted a complete set of Wells' novels on Kindle for some ridiculously cheap price,and nabbed it, with the result that I now have a lot of Wells novels on my (virtual) unread shelf. I was surprised to realise that I had not previously read this one. It's the classic treatment of invisibility – see also Tolkien, a spinoff film, the Double Deckers and the erotic comics artist Milo ManaraThe Ogre Downstairs:

“Listen, Caspar,” said the Ogre, “this is very kind of you, but I don’t like what you’ve told me about the effects of invisibility at all. It sounds as if Johnny has become all thoughts, and nothing else. And they were angry thoughts to begin with. I think he might harm himself even more than he can harm me. And another thing – I’m pretty sure he’s been invisible now for nearly twenty-four hours, and if we leave him much longer he may be warped for life. Now do you see?”

This is Wells' third sf novel, after The Time Machine and The Island of Dr Moreau, but just before The War of the Worlds. It takes a core proposition, invisbility, and transsforms it from a technical question to a moral and ethical conundrum. The first few chapters are a bit silly, relying on the consternation of the rural folk who don't know what they are dealing with (because they haven't seen the title of the book they are in), but it picks up quickly, and once we get into Griffin explaining his own means and motivation to his old friend Kemp, we are in very interesting territory; having removed all visibile links to society, only taking what he wants, Griffin feels both divided from and superior to humanity. There is a sense, as with Johnny in The Ogre Downstairs, that Griffin is becoming only the sum of his own negative thoughts (the Ogre has presumably read Wells); the difference is that Griffin was clearly an asshole in the first place, behaving entirely out of selfish motives and succumbing, in the end fatally, to delusions of grandeur. Once we get over laughing at the villagers, there's a great sense of pace and tension, and a very satisfactory climax (though in the end we are still meant to laugh at Marvel, Griffin's accomplice). So I'm happy to continue working through the Wells I haven't previously read. You can get this one here.

This was my top unread book acquired this year, and my top unread sf book. Next on both of those piles is Seraphina, by Rachel Hartman, which I'm really looking forward to.

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Two Brothers, by Ben Elton; My Century, by Günter Grass

Second paragraph of third chapter of Two Brothers:

‘I’m sorry, Frau Stengel,’ the doctor said. ‘The second child is stillborn.’

Second paragraph of third chapter of My Century / Mein Jahrhundert (the chapter set in 1902):

Damals war vieles neu. Zum Beispiel brachte die Reichspost reichseinheitliche Briefmarken in Umlauf, drauf die Germania metallbusig im Profil. Und weil allerorts Fortschritt verkündet wurde, zeigten sich viele Strohhutträger neugierig auf die kommende Zeit. Meiner hat manches erlebt. Ich schob ihn in den Nacken, als ich den ersten Zeppelin bestaunte. Im Cafe Niederegger legte ich ihn zu den druckfrischen und den Bürgersinn heftig aufreizenden »Buddenbrooks«. Dann führte ich ihn als Student durch Hagenbecks Tierpark, der jüngst eröffnet worden war, und sah, so uniform behütet, Affen und Kamele im Freigehege, wie mich hochmütig Kamele und Affen begehrlich mit Strohhut sahen. There was much new at the time. The Imperial Post Office, for instance, had just issued uniform stamps for the entire Reich featuring a metal-bosomed Germania in profile. And since progress was the keynote of the day, many straw hatters were curious about the times to come. My hat had all kinds of adventures. I shoved it back on my neck while admiring the first Zeppelin. I laid it next to the newly published scourge of bourgeois sensibility, Buddenbrooks, while sipping coffee at the Café Niederegger. Then, during my first year at the university, I wore it through Hagenbeck’s Zoological Garden, which had just begun operation, and, thus protected, I observed apes and camels in the open while they covetously observed me and my hat.

One of those nice quirks in my reading lists threw me an interesting pair of novels, both looking at Germany in the twentieth century from different angles which still end up in much the same place.

I know Ben Elton mainly as a left-wing comedian from the 80s and 90s, though I did read his second novel Stark (and wasn’t hugely impressed). I had not realised that his uncle was the historian Geoffrey Elton, or that the Elton family, originally Ehrenberg, had fled Nazi Germany to England. In Two Brothers, Elton takes a family situation very loosely based on that of his own father and uncle, and takes us through the brief but horrible history of Nazi Germany, looked at from the point of view of two brothers who it turns out are not biological twins after all, one of them being a non-Jewish kid adopted at birth by a Jewish couple. There is a framing narrative in the 1950s where one of the brothers, having escaped to England and joined the Foreign Office, goes back to East Berlin in search of the girl they both loved. But the core is the story of what life was like for those who were not as fortunate as Elton’s own family. it’s written from the heart, though I think also with an eye to educating Elton’s core audience (young Anglophones) about how a normal society can swiftly degenerate to horror.

I was a bit annoyed by a couple of Elton’s presentational quirks. There is a comedy MI6 sequence in the 1950s, which takes away from the seriousness of the theme. And the teenage German protagonists refer to each other by very British nicknames, which I suppose could be allowed as a translation convention, but it grated for me. Still, I give the book a lot of credit for effort and good intentions. You can get it here.

I had read both The Tin Drum and the autobiographical Peeling The Onion previously; My Century is different from both in that it is straight non-genre narrative, but telling short snapshots from every year from 1900 to 2000, mostly (though not all) with different protagonists. There are some odd choices – the second war is told in flashback by journalists reminising in the 1960s; the Holocaust is barely mentioned during the war but intrudes on a Frankfurt wedding in 1964; reunification is recounted as experienced through election results. I think the reader is expected to be familiar with a lot of details of twentieth-century German history that a lot of people may not know so well.

But at the same time, if (against the author’s expressed preference) you take the book as a sequence of 100 short stories with some internal links, rather than as a single novel, I think it works very well, with a lot of voices from various levels of society reminding us that a nation is made up of people,and so is its history. Some of the more memorable narrators are women – the actress early on, the Berlin survivor of 1946, the post-reunification Treuhand boss. It’s not at the level of the other books by Grass that I have read, but I found it thought-provoking all the same. You can get it here.

Two Brothers was my top unread book acquired in 2014; next on that pile is The Arc of the Dream, by A.A. Attanasio. I mistakenly thought that My Century was non-fiction, and it came to the top of that pile; next there is Red Notice, by Bill Browder.

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Tuesday reading

Current
The Three Musketeers, by Alexandre Dumas
Girl, Woman, Other, by Bernardine Evaristo
Hild, by Nicola Griffith

Last books finished
Dragon’s Claw, by Steve Moore
My Century, by Günther Grass
Survivants: Anomalies Quantiques, vol 1, by Leo
Children of Time, by Adrian Tchaikowsky
Survivants: Anomalies Quantiques, vol 2, by Leo
Pygmalion, by George Bernard Shaw
Revelation of the Daleks, by Eric Saward

Next books
Western Sahara: War, Nationalism and Conflict Irresolution, by Stephen Zunes
She Was Good-She Was Funny, by David Marusek

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Halo: The Thursday War, by Karen Traviss

Second paragraph of third chapter:

The youth stumbled a few paces as he walked backward, still trying to slow her down. He should have known better. She was the wife of a clan elder, and in his absence—temporary absence—she wielded his authority outside the keep.

I picked this up at Novacon in 2013, I think as a freebie. It’s the second volume in a series of novels based on a game I haven’t played, and while I admired the author’s efforts to make a human/alien dynamic that worked, most of it sailed over my head. You can get it here.

Next book on the 2013 pile is another freebie I picked up at the same time, Prophet of Bones by Ted Kosmatka.

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Dr. Strangelove, and the books

As well as going through the films that have won the Oscar for Best Picture, I'm planning to also watch the Hugo-winning films for years where there was one to compare and contrast. After a gap of a few years since The Incredible Shrinking Man in 1958 (No Award won in 1959 and 1964, and the TV series The Twilight Zone in the three intervening years) that brings me to the 1965 Hugo, for a 1964 film, specifically Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. (The 1966 Worldcon did not award a Hugo in this category, and the next two years' Hugos went to Star Trek episodes, so the next in this sequence will be 2001: A Space Odyssey which won the 1969 Hugo for a 1968 film.)

This is a year when the Hugo voters rather than the Oscar voters have been vindicated by history; Dr. Strangelove is rated top film of 1964 on one of the IMDB rankings, and third on the other, behind Mary Poppins and (oddly) The Gorgon, with the actual Oscar winner, My Fair Lady, well behind. Mary Poppins is of course also genre, as is arguably A Hard Day's Night, but I can see why Hugo voters chose as they did; the only other recorded nominee is 7 Faces of Dr. Lao. Here's a trailer.

A few familiar faces here. The Russian ambassador, de Sadesky, is played by Peter Bull, who is fresh from playing Thwackum in Tom Jones.

Shane Rimmer, better known of course as the voice of Scott Tracy on Thunderbirds, is Captain 'Ace' Owens here. But he was also Seth Harper in the Doctor Who story The Gunfighters in 1966.

And Glenn Beck (not that Glenn Beck) is the navigator Lieutenant Kivel here, and appeared in another 1966 Doctor Who story, The Tenth Planet, as a TV announcer.

The plane is being flown by Scott Tracy and Darth Vader, Lieutenant Luther Zogg being an early film appearance by James Earl Jones, in restrospect the biggest star to appear in the film (I think unarguably a bigger star than Peter Sellers, taking his entire career into account).

But of course the performer that everyone remembers from Dr. Strangelove is Peter Sellers. I watched the film with F, who did not spot until I pointed out to him that the title character, the British officer and the US President were all payed by the same actor. (Stanley Kubrick is said to have complained that he got three performances out of Sellers for the price of six.)


I would have said it should lose marks for having only one woman in the entire film (Tracy Reed as Miss Scott/Miss Foreign Affairs), but I suspect that's part of the point Kubrick is making.

I had seen it before, but I must say I really enjoyed the return visit (and sharing it with F). The black humour is spot on. It's probably a bit unfair to Wernher von Braun, who is the obvious target of Dr. Strangelove, and possibly a bit unfair in its characterising of the American military ethos and culture, but the wider point of the horrific danger of nuclear war is well made, even though the precise mechanism of global destruction is fictitious. It's not very far in time or concept from here to the famous "Daisy" advertisement which helped LBJ consolidate his victory over Barry Goldwater in 1964. It's only 60 seconds long – watch it, if you haven't seen it.

I found both the book the film was based on, and the novelisation of the film, quick reads. Second paragraph of Red Alert, as by Peter Bryant:

Clint Brown held the plane in a steady port orbit. As soon as Mellows had passed the word to hold at X point he had taken over manual control of Alabama Angel. There was no particular need for him to have done it. The autopilot could hold height, speed, and rate of turn, just as well as he could. Better in fact, he thought wryly, as he noticed he had lost a hundred or so feet since he took over. He made the small correction required, and wondered just why he had taken over. He thought it was almost certainly because, if the word came, he have the bomber under his control as well as his command. It occurred to him he had never felt that way before when the order had come to hold. He concentrated grimly on his instruments, waiting like the rest of the crew. But with a chill presentiment that he already knew what the message would be.

Second paragraph of Dr Strangelove: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, as by Peter George (same writer as Peter Bryant):

Lieutenant Goldberg’s attention was suddenly and unpleasantly disturbed by a clicking from the CRM-114. He watched with vague interest while letters and numerals clicked into place on the dials, reached for his code book, and began decoding. When he had finished, he frowned in puzzlement, tapped the defence-systems officer, Lieutenant Dietrich, lightly on the shoulder to draw his attention, and showed him the message pad.

Neither of the books is very funny. With Red Alert that is entirely intentional; it is written as an Awful Warning, and even so a couple of the better lines survived to the film in improved form.

Red Alert Dr. Strangelove (script)
[Brigadier General Quinten]: “Paul, you can think what you like of me, and so can the rest of the world. I know that what I’ve done is right. Do you remember what Clemenceau once said about war?”
“No, I don’t.” Howard’s voice was almost normal again.
“He said war was too important a matter to be left to generals. At the moment he said it, he was probably right. But now it’s swung the other way. When a war can be won and lost an hour after it starts, then war is too important to be left to politicians. The Russians know it. And they also know we don’t work things that way. That’s why, in a couple of hours from now, they’ll have lost. There’ll be no more threats from them. In a few hours the whole shape of the world will be changed. Remember what they did to Hungary back in ’56? They won’t be able to do that again, not ever.”
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No, I don't think I do, sir, no.
General Jack D. Ripper: He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
[Brigadier General Quinten, again]: “Men, I want to impress on you the need for watchfulness. The enemy will try any tricks to fool you into letting him on the base. He may come individually, or he may come in strength. He may well come in the uniform of our own combat troops. But however he comes, we have to stop him.
“I’m going to give you three simple rules. The first is to trust no one, whatever his uniform, whatever his rank, who is not known to you personally. The second is anyone or anything that approaches within two hundred yards of the perimeter is fired on. And the third—if in doubt, fire anyway. I would sooner accept a few casualties through accident than lose a whole base and its personnel through over-caution.
“That’s about all I have to say except for two small points. Any variation on the rules I have given you must come from me. Personally. I want that clearly understood. There are no exceptions to it, whatever the circumstances. And last of all, I know you are all worried about your families both on the base here and all over our country. Well, let’s make sure we defend the families here on the base. Because you can depend on it that other Americans are defending your families elsewhere with the same unyielding spirit we’re going to show here at Sonora. Good luck to you all.”
General Jack D. Ripper: Your Commie has no regard for human life, not even his own. And for this reason, men, I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfulness. The enemy may come individually, or he may come in strength. He may even come in the uniform of our own troops. But however he comes, we must stop him. We must not allow him to gain entrance to this base.
Now, I'm going to give you THREE SIMPLE rules: First, trust NO one, whatever his uniform or rank, unless he is known to you personally; Second, anyone or anything that approaches within 200 yards of the perimeter is to be FIRED UPON; Third, if in doubt, shoot first then ask questions afterward. I would sooner accept a few casualties through accidents rather losing the entire base and its personnel through carelessness.
Any variation of these rules must come from me personally. Any variation on these rules must come from me personally. Now, men, in conclusion, I would like to say that, in the two years it has been my privilege to be your commanding officer, I have always expected the best from you, and you have never given me anything less than that. Today, the nation is counting on us. We're not going to let them down. Good luck to you all.

By contrast, the book-of-the-film leaves out a lot of the good lines and really brings home just how much the film owes to Kubrick's directorial genius. You can get Red Alert here, and the book-of-the-film here (thanks to Candy Jar Books).

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November 2019 books

Fiction (non-sf): 10 (YTD 41)
(counting the two Dr Strangelove books in this category, even though the punchline depends on a fictional technology)
Normal People, by Sally Rooney
The Camelot Club, by Brian Killick
The Bluest Eye, by Toni Morrison
Tom Jones, by Henry Fielding
A Close Run Thing, by Allan Mallinson
Red Alert, by Peter George
Dr Strangelove: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, by Peter George
Two Brothers, by Ben Elton
One of the 28th: A Tale of Waterloo, by G. A. Henty
My Century, by Günther Grass

Plays 1 (YTD 2)
Pygmalion, by George Bernard Shaw

sf (non-Who): 6 (YTD 73)
The Calcutta Chromosome, by Amitav Ghosh
"Catch That Zeppelin!", by Fritz Leiber
In Black and White, and Other Stories, by Jan Mark
Halo: The Thursday War, by Karen Traviss
The Invisible Man, by H.G. Wells
Children of Time, by Adrian Tchaikowsky

Comics 4 (YTD 31)
The Highgate Horror, by Mark Wright, David A. Roach, Mike Collins, Jacqueline Rayner and Martin Geraghty
Dragon’s Claw, by Steve Moore
Survivants: Anomalies Quantiques, vol 1, by Leo
Survivants: Anomalies Quantiques, vol 2, by Leo

5,600 pages (YTD 60,000)
5/21 (YTD 84/218) by non-male writers (Rooney, Morrison, Mark, Traviss, Rayner)
2/21 (YTD 31/218) by PoC (Morrison, Ghosh)
2/21 (YTD 29/218) rereads (Tom Jones, "Catch That Zeppelin!")

Reading now
The Three Musketeers, by Alexander Dumas
Girl, Woman, Other, by Bernardine Evaristo
Hild, by Nicola Griffith

Coming soon (perhaps)
Western Sahara: War, Nationalism and Conflict Irresolution, by Stephen Zunes
She Was Good-She Was Funny, by David Marusek
Being Human: Bad Blood, by James Goss
Dragonworld, by Byron Preiss
The Cage: The fight for Sri Lanka & the Last Days of the Tamil Tigers, by Gordon Weiss
Seraphina, by Rachel Hartman
Excession, by Iain M. Banks
Oathbringer, by Brandon Sanderson
"Home is the Hangman" by Roger Zelazny
Babayaga, by Toby Barlow
Prophet of Bones, by Ted Kosmatka
Arc of the Dream, by A. A. Attanasio
As Time Goes By, by Joshua Hale Fialkov
Red Notice: A True Story of High Finance, Murder, and One Man's Fight for Justice, by Bill Browder
Auguria, Tome 1: Ecce signum, by Peter Nuyten
The Last Days of New Paris, by China Mieville
A Prayer for Owen Meany, by John Irving
The Widows of Malabar Hill, by Sujata Massey
Unsheltered, by Barbara Kingsolver

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February 2004 books

The big work news of February 2004 was the tragic death in a plane crash of Boris Trajkovski, the genial President of Macedonia who was very friendly with me and many others. This was the day after we published a report on pan-Albanianism (concluding that there was not much there there). I also went to London to shadow my boss at a Chatham House meeting where the other speaker was the late great Albert Rohan.

The books I read in February 2004 were:

Non-fiction 3 (YTD 6)
How to Write Science Fiction & Fantasy, by Orson Scott Card
The Daily Telegraph Book of Military Obituaries, ed. David Twiston Davies
The Cambridge Companion to Science Fiction, ed. Edward James and Farah Mendlesohn

Non-genre fiction 3 (YTD 3)
The Woman Who Gave Birth To Rabbits, by Emma Donoghue (collection, including one story which has fantasy elements)
Memories of the Irish Israeli War, by Phil O'Brien
Molvania: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry, by Santo Cilauro, Tom Gleisner and Rob Sitch

SF 6 (YTD 11)
Pattern Recognition, by William Gibson
Ilium, by Dan Simmons
Worlds That Weren't, by Harry Turtledove, S.M. Stirling, Mary Gentle, and Walter Jon Williams
The House on the Borderland and Other Stories, by William Hope Hodgson (could not finish The Night Land)
The Meeting of the Waters, by Caiseal Mór
Paths to Otherwhere, by James Patrick Hogan

4,400 pages (YTD 8,300)
3/21 by women (YTD 6/21); none by PoC

Links above to my reviews, links below to Amazon.

The best of these was probably The Cambridge Companion to Science Fiction, which won the Hugo the following year; you can get it here. Molvania has some good lines; you can get it here. The one to skip: The Meeting of the Waters.


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Two Waterloo novels: One of the 28th, by G.A. Henty; A Close Run Thing, by Allan Mallinson

Second paragraph of first chapter of One of the 28th:

"Yes, it's just right; neither too light nor too heavy. It's rather thick, and I shouldn't be surprised if we get it thicker; but that again don't matter." For in those days not one ship ploughed the waters of our coast for every fifty that now make their way along it. There were no steamers, and the fear of collision was not ever in the minds of those at sea.

Second paragraph of first chapter of A Close Run Thing:

Hervey’s rose did not remain in his shako beyond the convent’s courtyard, for as his troop formed threes and wheeled into column he saw Sister Maria at an open window near the arched entrance. Breaking ranks and trotting over, he stood at full stretch in the stirrups and presented her with the deep-red bloom whose petals were no longer primly clasped. And she in turn presented him with a smile equally open, and a sign of benediction.

Back in 2015, I reviewed several books featuring the Battle of Waterloo, but didn't get around to either of these, which then bubbled to the top of two of my piles simultaneously this month. They are very different. One of the 28th is a classic boys' adventure published by the prolific G.A. Henty in 1890; the copy I have was a Christmas present to my great-uncle Maurice in 1902 (he would have been thirteen, and grew up to survive getting gassed in the first world war, living until 1956). It comes with some glorious illustrations by William Heysham Overend, which I make no apology for including here. In each case, click to embiggen – particularly recommend the third and fourth, "Mabel is Seized with a Fit of Shyness" and "Ralph has an Undesirable Partner".

The Privateer Captain Hails the Boat
(frontispiece)
The Boat Went Down from under his Feet
Mabel is Seized with a Fit of Shyness Ralph has an Undesirable Partner
On the Track of the Red Captain Mrs. Conway Discovers the Will
A Target for the Enemy At the Moment of Victory

One of the 28th is a standalone novel, whereas A Close Run Thing, published in in 1999, is the first in a series of thirteen (so far) chronicling the adventures of Matthew Hervey, the latest of which came out last year. I would be astonished if Mallinson had not read Henty before starting to write. There are some clear similarities between the books – both the protagonists are from middle-class family backgrounds (Hervey's father is a vicar, so is Ralph's prospective father-in-law), struggling to rise in the officer caste of the army; both protagonists fall in love and get married at the end of the book (sorry for spoilers); both novels feature questions of inheritance; and in both, the protagonist and his comrades are sent to Ireland – indeed, both to Cork – to keep order during the interval between Napoleon's exile to Elba and the Hundred Days.

But the take of the two books on Ireland is very different. By superior intellect and judgement, Ralph Conway of the 28th manages to capture a Galway ruffian and liberate the locals from the tyranny of untaxed liquor distillation, er, well. Hervey on the other hand gets into trouble for defending the local peasants against eviction, having got himself sensitised to the Irish situation by reading Maria Edgeworth. I don't find either scenario particularly believable, but I do find it interesting that both authors felt they needed to invoke Ireland in some detail to set the scene for the later phases.

One of the 28th also has a glorious parallel plot where Ralph's mother's ex-boyfriend has died, leaving his estate to Ralph and to the local vicar's daughter, but his evil sisters have managed to prevent the will from being found and continue in possession of his property – until Ralph's mother disguises herself as a senior housemaid and successfully locates the missing document. (See picture above.) This is after Ralph has spent the first few chapters a prisoner of the French in the West Indies. It's all quite implausible, but entertaining.

A Close Run Thing is more consciously a Bildungsroman (in fairness, Henty's characters are so two-dimensional that it is unfair to expect character development from them). Hervey is constantly getting into trouble, mainly for doing the right thing and therefore annoying the wrong superior officers, and a lot of the book involves those disentanglements as well as developing his relationship with his girlfriend. (There's also a surprising amount of theology.) Mallinson here is following in the footsteps of Cornwell/Sharpe and O'Brien/Maturin.

When it comes to the actual Battle of Waterloo, both have pretty detailed accounts of the fighting, drawn from the usual sources. Mallinson goes into it in more depth, but wears it a bit better because he has been giving us military detail all through the book (especially about horses). He also puts Hervey, who conveniently speaks German, into a crucial role in liaison between the Prussians and Wellington. Henty's detailed account of the battle is a jarring deviation from the tight-third of most of the book, especially since Ralph himself is more at the worm's eye than bird's eye point of view, rather like Stendhal's protagonist in The Charterhouse of Parma.

However Henty redeems himself a bit by having Ralph's arm shot off during the battle. Hervey gets through unscathed, though dearly beloved comrades are killed in front of him.

I think Vanity Fair remains my favourite Waterloo novel, but these two both round out the literary reception of the battle a bit, from opposite ends of the twentieth century. You can get One of the 28th here (without Overend's illustations, I fear), and A Close Run Thing here.

One of the 28th was my top unread book acquired in 2012, and the non-genre fiction book that had lingered longest on my shelves. Next on those piles respectively are The Cage: The fight for Sri Lanka & the Last Days of the Tamil Tigers, by Gordon Weiss, (if I can find it), and The Ghost of Lily Painter by Caitlin Davies (which will wait until I have finished all unread books acquired in 2012). A Close Run Thing was my top unread book acquired in 2015, and next on that pile is Babayaga, by Toby Barlow.

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In Black and White, and Other Stories, by Jan Mark

Second paragraph of third story (“Nule”):

‘What are they for?’ said Libby one morning, after roving round the house and pushing all the buttons in turn. At that moment Martin pushed the button in the front room and the indicator slid up to Parlour, vibrating there while the bell rang. And rang and rang.

I was moved to search this out by a memory of hearing one of the stories, “Who’s A Pretty Boy Then?”, a chilling tale of haunted budgerigars, on Radio 4 one morning in 1982. It’s a collection of nine short stories for older kids (mostly set around school or family), all of them with elements of horror, most (but not all) with reassuring endings. They are all really good; the other one that particularly stands out for me is “Old Money”, about a cursed shilling coin. I don’t think I had come across Jan Mark otherwise; I see she won the Carnegie Medla twice, for books I haven’t read (Thunder and Lightnings and Handles). One of those authors who if you see one of her books in a second-hand shop, it’s probably worth getting it for a younger friend or relative who you can then borrow it from. Or you can get this one here.

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